your parents love me but you hate me
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
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