GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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