Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Randomize
