You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
