omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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