I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
