Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
