If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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