You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
