my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
