wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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