just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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