Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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