i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
