im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
