Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
