I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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