I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
