So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
