Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just cropdusted the office
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
