i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
