i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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