when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
