you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
