i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
