Im at strip club and am horny
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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