I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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