He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
