omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
