They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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