I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
