we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
