I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
