Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
