I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
