dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
