The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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