this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
