Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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