Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize