she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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