i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
