You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
