Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just want nice things and good sex
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
