we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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