Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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