yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
