officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
