Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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