it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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