what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
