Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
