I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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