Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
