Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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