dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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