he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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