We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
