We're facebook friends in real life
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
