there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize