he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
