who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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