I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
