I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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