I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
