one might say we're banned from that church
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize