go do what you do best...puke behind churches
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
