I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
