I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
