just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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