It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I smell stomach acid.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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