Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
