you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
