She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
